Ronald C. Roat is program coordinator of the print and online journalism sequences and an associate professor of journalism. He joined the faculty in 1986 after a professional career as a reporter, columnist, and/or editor at six newspapers in Michigan, West Virginia, Ohio, and Indiana, including the Lansing State Journal and the Dayton Daily News. He has written regular opinion page columns for three other newspapers. Professor Roat is the author of three mystery novels, Close Softly the Doors, A Still and Icy Silence, and High Walk, all stories in the Stuart Mallory Mystery series. A Michigan native, he earned his master of arts degree at Oregon State University and his bachelor's degree from Michigan State University. He currently writes a weekly Internet column for The Evansville Courier & Press. Roat is in his 19th year at USI and is the single father of his daughter, Brittany, and is working to complete a book on which is an outgrowth of many of his columns and his unscheduled “rants” he delivers to his students. After that, Roat will finish the next Stuart Mallory novel, Some in Velvet Gowns.

Coffee
The brewer's mystery: Why is it not coffee?

by Ron Roat

The question is, where does it go?

Yes, oh yes, over the years, coffeepot after coffeepot, I have undoubtedly poured hundreds of gallons of water into them and every time wondered where the extra water went after each machine brewed its coffee. The vanishing act seldom seemed significant, though. We’re talking about only a few fluid ounces of water each time.

But my brother alerted me to the seriousness of this situation. He’s older and remains a coffee devotee, so he most certainly comprehends the magnitude of this quandary in ways I have yet to appreciate. He indicated we are truly reflecting upon the disappearance of gallons of water for each family over the years, water which we intended to become coffee and which, given our grasp of the laws of physics, we believe should have become coffee.

Where does it go? Who takes it there? Why is it not coffee?

Here’s the situation in a nutshell. If you want eight cups of coffee, you are obliged, according to most brewing instructions, to get eight cups of water into the coffee carafe and pour that into the coffee maker. Where you get your water is up to you, I would suppose. Easy so far. Of course, you need a coffee filter and some coffee at this point, and the particulars of this combination hints at an additional discussion another day.

Then throw the switch.

What happens? Every time the machine discharges about seven cups of coffee – and maybe a little more to tempt you into believing the eighth cup is right there in front of you but you don’t have the skill to measure it. The water that only minutes ago measured at least eight cups has gone through the coffee and filter and emerged almost a cup short as measured by the same container.

Where did the other cup go? First, let’s understand that a “cup” of coffee is only six ounces, not the regular eight ounces we reserve for what we call a “cup” of almost anything else. We swindle ourselves right from the start. Our focus, then, is on six ounces, not eight. Certainly some of it remains in the coffee grounds. But six ounces of water? No way. It would still be sloshing around in the coffee basket, which it is not. And some evaporates. Yes, some of it simply disappears, and I cannot measure how much, but you wouldn’t think much water escapes through that route. Right?

Six ounces of water mislaid in coffee grounds and the atmosphere? Could this truly be?

Wait! Maybe the kind or quality of filter makes a difference. Perhaps the water gets into the filter material and seeps or trickles or, yes, leaches into cavities within the coffeemaker and hides until the coast is clear. But why does it want to escape?

No, that’s beginning to sound a little ridiculous, even paranoid, and this is a serious matter.

I know my brother was contemplating the seriousness of this matter when he brought it up. He’s from Colorado, and out west water is difficult to find occasionally. Further west, water is an even more critical commodity, and the buggers out there are scheming and conniving to get us Midwest goobers to let them pump the Great Lakes dry so they can sprinkle their beloved lawns and maintain backyard swimming pools all year long. I know how they think, and they worry me.

Right, a topic for another day.

We need some answers here. Scientists at major research institutions have to devote appropriate resources to studying the cause and breadth of coffee water loss. Governments must initiate public debates to alert the common people and spur worthy deliberation among our leaders.

There can be nothing more vital than our water. Let’s begin the search today.